Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i love accidental penises.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
