Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
