I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
