Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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