all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
