so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
