Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
