In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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