She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
