So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
