I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
