i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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