Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
