I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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