I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
