I'm gonna have a badass scar
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
