I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love having hate sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
