i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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