did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
