Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
