then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
