if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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