He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
