Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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