I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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