The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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