i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
this is an emotional support booty call
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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