We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ugly people sure do ruin things
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
