I wanna passion pit in your ass
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
