im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so let's talk penis.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
