elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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