you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can text with my tongue
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
