my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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