Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
