We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
