PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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