I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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