All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
