i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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