Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
