We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
