Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
