Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
