I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
