I can text with my tongue
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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