Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This toilet bowl is my home.
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