Im at strip club and am horny
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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