I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
