He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
