Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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