i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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