so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
