If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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