I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
