Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
