woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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