I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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