Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.