I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips