I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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