well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out