ugly people sure do ruin things
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.