Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control

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  (502): I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control http://tfl.nu/izk5
  Replies (46) Good night (789) Bad night (8381)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

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  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
  Replies (32) Good night (1396) Bad night (2897)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage

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  (949): I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage http://tfl.nu/tvaz
  Replies (45) Good night (3851) Bad night (728)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

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  (860): Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth. http://tfl.nu/vl66
  Replies (16) Good night (1394) Bad night (5849)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.

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  (505): He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off. http://tfl.nu/4dsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7751) Bad night (2057)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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  (617): I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/p474
  Replies (21) Good night (1233) Bad night (4982)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

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  (724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy
  Replies (24) Good night (5427) Bad night (2289)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4753) Bad night (2801)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.

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  (250): I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you. http://tfl.nu/i94o
  Replies (6) Good night (1830) Bad night (1233)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  All my credit cards need to be pressure washed

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  (617): All my credit cards need to be pressure washed http://tfl.nu/kgeq
  Replies (5) Good night (1039) Bad night (869)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?

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  (865): I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say? http://tfl.nu/q9jp
  Replies (8) Good night (648) Bad night (994)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING

  (646): View more from New York

  (239): View more from Florida

  Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?

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  (239): COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING (646): (239): Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that? http://tfl.nu/ilq5
  Replies (2) Good night (1309) Bad night (750)
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  (408): View more from California

  IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY

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  (408): IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY http://tfl.nu/k5od
  Replies (5) Good night (679) Bad night (354)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.

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  (469): TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low. http://tfl.nu/y5ae
  Replies (0) Good night (479) Bad night (225)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again

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  (863): I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again http://tfl.nu/i6de
  Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (217)

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