Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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