Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
