Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
