I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
