I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
