I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize