Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
