It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My vagina is very pro this idea
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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