My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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