I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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