I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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