What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
