So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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