Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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