from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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